In relationships, there is no very small work. Every small change you do.
As a coupled treatment with more than 30 years of experience, I saw partners who repeat many mistakes themselves, often unaware. Usually, these unhelpful patterns began early in the relationship.
But do not be anxious if you make some mistakes now. Simple changes, at any time, can go a long way to change things.
Here are six common tendencies to avoid them in the relationship, especially in the early years:
1. The wing
Most people. We do what it was Similar to us grew up, or perhaps the opposite.
Although we know ourselves as professionals and parents, most of us do not realize that we need to learn how to be a good partner: to deal with the conflict effectively, become a good listener, reform, and investment continuously to stay in contact.
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I invite you to see yourself as training partners and spend time proactively in learning from articles, books and even treatment.
2. Hold your partner responsible for your happiness and well -being
A The relationship begins, as love continues to grow, when everyone understands that their happiness and achievement belong to their hands, not their partner. This is exactly the reason that “the relationship with the self” is placed as a first column in my book “,”Full marriage: Healing your relationship with responsibility, growth, priority and purpose,And as a basis for building long -term love.
When you invest in self -awareness, you prepare yourself to live in authentic and happiness. Knowing yourself becomes a gateway to treat yourself with love, challenge yourself to grow, and in the end take responsibility for your well -being.
3. Show the conflict as a bad sign
One of the most overwhelmed errors. Young couples make a belief that a good relationship must be sailing, with a minimum Fighting or separation. The wrong belief often prevents them from coming to advice urgently because they fear that recognition of tension means something worse than it really does.
But the relationship of life, breathing, or marriage actually means separation and contact several times. This is the way we build confidence and grow. Here is what I say often when couples enter first treatment:
“I am happy because you are here. Your friction is not a bad sign. This means that you are invited to growth. Start by normalizing your challenges and adopting the problems you face rather than looking for a quick rest or avoiding them.”
4. Try to change your partner
When something is subjected to your partner under your skin, the normal tendency is to try to change it.
Yes, it is important to address the issues that bother you. But more often, there is a lot of focus on the error. When you feel a tendency to criticize or change your partner, ask yourself:
- “Can I use this moment to become more impatient, safe with myself, tolerant, or without registration?”
- “Is there a growth for me here?”
- “Do I do something similar?”
- “Do I expect perfection?”
- “Am I appreciated enough of everything that is my partner and gives it?”
5. Loss of priority
Initially, it is easy to cherish our partners. But ensuring that our companion seems to be the other most important person in our lives, it should be a continuous priority.
The most common threat that I see this priority is when the couple becomes a family with children. Work, work, work, or anxiety can interfere a lot about what others think at the expense of your partner’s needs or feelings.
Young couples should be looking for the beginning to get simple ways to fight for their relationship and make their partner feel careful. This may mean spending a night in history and a night of growth, the first to enjoy and the last to talk about a good or not good feeling in the relationship.
6. Think is small
It is important to take care of ourselves and invest in it Our happiness, and caring for people in our direct circles and society. At the same time, to take advantage of everything that the relationship can bring in our lives, we need to think more.
Find the ways through which you can-individually and as a couple-to make the world the best adds a dimension of strength and loyalty that no satisfaction can bring about the need for the bond.
Do not feel you have to save the world in one day. You can start small, like volunteering, bring a meal to a sick person, or welcome guests in your home. The idea is to feed, as a couple, parts of you that you like to offer, in medium ways constantly.
I find that when my husband and I collect our energies together for others, the spirit of generosity contemplates our differences and contemplates more.
Rachel Glickand Mr. Dr , He is a licensed professional advisor with over 30 years as couples and individual therapist. She taught workshops for organizations such as: YPO, Kabbalah Center, OneVillage, Missouri University and Saint Louis. Rachel is also the author of a book “Bully vibrant marriage: healing your relationship with responsibility, growth, priority and purpose.”
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